Tuesday, October 15, 2013

One Step Forward and...

That's right-two steps back.  This is the post I didn't want to write.  I had a bunch of other things that I did want to write today... I did Yuli's hair for the first time, we took a trip to the mall again because it's still raining, how Cody Alexander the Great is the unexpected hero by being big brother to John and giving Ken a break, how I got time to myself to cook dinner. 

Yeah, that didn't happen.  While we were in the grocery store at the mall again today, we decided to get pasta and jar sauce and some veggies and just cook in rather than ordering more food.  Patrice has allowed us to use the kitchen on the days that they don't cook.  Can I just say how thankful I am to be here at La Maison with Patrice?  He's awesome and I don't know how we'd get along without him.  Anyway, Ken's never cooked on a gas stove and we decided that it would be easier for me to cook with Yuli than for him to cook with John.  As luck would have it, Yuli didn't want to come with me, she wanted to stay and play.  BONUS.  As I was cleaning some carrots [they are abnormally short and really, really fat here] I was reliving today's events: my semi-success at doing Yuli's hair, the fun we had at Happy City at the mall, the look on the kids' faces when they were eating their ice cream cones, the fact that John actually took food from me... all in all, a good day. 

Diana came down to talk to me while I was cooking.  It would suffice to say, I didn't get to enjoy my time alone cooking.  It was another bad one.  The good news--it didn't last as long as at the park.  Also, when it was over, she was just as sweet and approachable as she usually is.  She's having a really tough time realizing that I'm the mom and that I take my job seriously.  I just wish that she'd realize that I'm not fighting against her, I'm fighting for her.  Quite honestly, I don't know how I'd do it without having God on my side.  This. is. hard. work.  We knew it would be.  We didn't enter into this with rose colored glasses.  We knew it would be hard.  Actually, there have been many times when I have thought to myself that it is not at hard as I expected or that it could be worse.  But still, it's hard.  I have an adoptive mom friend that reminded me the other day that she is worth it.  Absolutely, she is worth it.  She is worth it and that is why I go to bed physically tired, but emotionally drained.  That's why I get up in the morning not yet ready to start the day but anticipating what God is going to do with it.  She needs us.  My baby needs me. 

On a more positive note, John allowed me to hold him today.  It was only once and it was only for a short time.  I restrained myself from loving all over him but it made my momma heart do little flips.

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