Wednesday, October 16, 2013

One O, One S, and One N

I remember back in elementary school the report cards had a section for academics where you got grades A-F by subject.  But they also had a section for character and socialization 'grading' if you will.  You could get an O for Outstanding, an S for Satisfactory, or an N for Needs Improvement.  A little tidbit you might not know about me:  There was one year where I got O's on everything except "Works and Plays Well With Others."  hee hee...

Anyway, today we had one O.  We made it through the whole day without any major defiance from Diana-praise God!  A whole day that we were able to just enjoy being together.  We played cards, we went to the park, we had meals, we tickled, it was good--very, very good.  It makes me very happy.  Not only do I relish the fact that I didn't have to expend that energy... I really believe that in order for her to want to get better about it, she actually has to enjoy being with us when we aren't fighting.  She needs to know how much fun she's missing when we are in the midst of fighting.  I'm going for attachment here, what comes naturally when you care for your newborn.  However, it's not so natural or easy with a seven year old that has had a lot of disruption in their lives.  It takes a constant effort and it's really great when it works.  So I'm very happy about that.

We also had one S today.  Jphn allowed me to fix lunch for him.  He even told me what he wanted.  He came back and asked for more... three times.  He reached out and put his hand in mine.  I was able to sit and talk to him face to face without him looking away or closing his eyes.  I told him (in English so he wouldn't actually understand and tell me no) how much I love him.  I told him that I just really want to scoop him up and love him and squeeze him and kiss him and hug him and call him George... well, not call him George.  I had a fish named George... the name George wouldn't work for my son.  Anyway, it was another baby step.  I know the day will come when he reaches for me and willingly asks for me to pick him up.  I can't wait.

Just before dinner the N came in.  I was in the bathroom using my hairdryer to dry all the socks and underwear that I washed the other day.  It's so moist here I can't get them to dry.  The don't have heat or air conditioning here either... you don't really need it and you just control your temperature by how far the windows are open.  You don't even need screens.  I've only seen three bugs since we got here.  I don't know how they work that but it almost would make it worth it to move here and live bug free.  Back to my story.  One of the kids came in and told me that Daddy needs me.  Now we all know that John prefers Ken-by a lot... but I'm not sure if I've expressed that Yuli prefers me--by almost the same amount.  It works out ok most of the time because the four big kids play together, I take Yuli and Ken gets John.  However, they weren't quite ready for us at dinner and Ken was trying to keep all the kids in our room area to allow them time to get ready.  He had asked several times for Yuli to come and she wouldn't.  He had John so he couldn't easily pick up Yuli and just bring her back... also the giggling while being defiant tends to boil blood.  Here comes mom.  It was funny because she was smiling like she thought I was on her side.  Oops.  I made her sit on her bed (never leaving her cause we've learned that is really bad).  I told her that she needs to listen to Papa.  I kept asking if she was ready to talk to Papa.  She said no a lot.  Finally, she said yes.  I called Ken in and he asked if she was ready to talk to him, she said no.  It was really cute but not cute all at the same time.  She told me that she did not want to listen to Papa.  Oops again.  Anyway, we got it all sorted out but this area definitely needs improvement.

It's interesting because all along this process, I have seen God's hand.  I don't believe what some people tell their adopted kids- that God chose them to be their child.  That's like saying that God allowed them to be born to another family and caused their parents to mess them up just so He could give them to family B.  I believe that if it were up to God, biological parents would do their job and kids would be with them.  I do believe that God calls each and every one of us to do something for Him.  For about 10 years I have known that God gave me (and my fabulous husband) what it takes to adopt.  I believe that God knew these three children would find themselves in need of new parents and that all along he has been preparing us for these specific children.  They are ours now.  I know that because there were times when we attempted to adopt other children that had shown up on the waiting kids list.  Every time, something happened.  In each case it was the one thing that would make me sit back and say, this situation is better for the kids than for them to be with us.  It was clearly God saying let go, these ones aren't yours.  Anyway, last night I said to Ken that I know these kids are ours.  The girls are both really really stubborn---and I mean that in the best possible way.  There are few people on this earth that are as stubborn as I am and would be able to outlast these girls in a stubborn match.  That's how I know God picked us for them.

I will tell you... I showed Cody the blog post from yesterday with the picture of him and John on it.  He read the post and looked up at me with huge eyes.  He said, "Well, what did you say?"  I said, "What?"  He said, "When she asked you if we wanted to adopt them, what did you say?"  I told him that we had said yes, that we absolutely wanted to adopt them.  I asked him if that's what he thought, too.  He said, "Well, yes.  I like them."  Good.  Cause their ours.

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