"What's up with your adoption, anyway?"

"Are you still thinking about doing that?"

Yes, I've been asked that a lot lately.  I know, I haven't kept anyone updated... and, well... we are just...slow.  I don't like doing it this way, but this is the way we are doing it.  I'm not sure why and I don't know how to change it.

So here's where we are:

• We are pulling together our dossier documents.  So far, so good.
• We have our immigration approval--YAY!
• Just talked to a psychologist today about doing our evaluation.  I think we are going to really enjoy working with him, despite the fact that we aren't really looking forward to a psychological evaluation (complete with personality testing).
• We are waiting for our (federal, if you know what I mean) criminal background checks to come back.
• And that's about all.

One of the ladies (who deals with the waiting kids listings) at our agency told me that she expects that we will get a referral rather quickly (after sending our completed dossier) since we are open to special needs and open to three siblings rather than just two.  While that's all well and good, I'm trying to not listen to her.  I remember when we were expecting our first DS.  The midwives came up with a date of December 20th.  The sonographer said, "He's so big, we estimate the correct date to be December 9th."  Silly me, it was my first and I believed them.  Well, the 9th came and went, the 20th came and went... Christmas came and went.  He came in his own good time, and just to make a point, he waited till the next year... January 1st.  So I'm trying to keep that in mind when it comes to this referral thing.  Just gonna keep busy getting things ready and going on with our daily stuff.

For those of you who were wondering... those girls that I had talked about in previous posts were placed with their family.  I was/am very happy for them but it took me a while to process the whole situation.  I was so sure that we were called for them.  I had a difficult time working out how that was.  I finally came up with the fact that I let my heart get ahead of me and surely ahead of what God's plan and timing are.  Go figure, who knew I could be wrong?  ;)

Anyway, that's about it for now on the adoption front.

It Warms My Heart

So there's this post that's been brewing in my brain for quite some time now. I've really been avoiding writing it and I'm going to avoid it one more day but there's something that just warmed my heart this evening that I have to share.

My oldest son is currently 9 years old. I think by the time he was two, he was more mature than most 35 year old men. He is just like his father in that way. Yes, sometimes he will do some stupid kid thing but for the most part, he doesn't have much patience for the foolishness of youth. He's just very middle-aged for nine.

Anyway, he always has had a heart for God and a heart for caring for others. This evening, after mid-week Bible study had ended and we were all milling about fellowshipping, I was talking with a friend of mine. As we talked, I searched the room to make sure that I knew where all my kids were and what they were up to. I saw the two younger boys playing with friends in the back of the room but my oldest wasn't with them. My eyes swept the room and landed on a tight circle of people (adults) sitting in chairs at the front of the room, obviously in prayer. There he was, with fingers folded, head bowed, eyes closed... among four adults, praying. It quite literally made my breath catch.

My son, praying.

Not during services.

Not during class.

Not before a meal.

Not at bedtime.

Not at any of the times that you are 'expected' to pray.

My son, looking very grown up.

Later, he came to me to tell me that someone had given him leftover candy to make sure it was ok for him to have it (also very unusual for a nine year old). I very non-chalantly asked him what was going on in the meeting up front a few minutes ago. He looked at me as if I was dense and said, "We were praying, mom."

I responded with, "Well, yeah. I figured that much out. What were you praying about?"

"Oh. We just wanted to pray over H---, since he's leaving this week for a mission trip."

"Oh. Ok." It was the best I could come up with. For a second time, by breath caught.

Now, don't for an insant think that I think my son is some kind of spiritual prodigy. I'm sure that he was not the one to come up with the idea. I'm sure he was invited to join the prayer. But what warms my heart is that he joined. That he didn't just say no thanks and go off to play with his brothers. He saw this as a worthwhile way to spend the next few minutes. He understood that all things should be brought before God in prayer. To him, bringing H--'s mission trip before the Lord was so appropriate that it was almost passe. His attitude of prayer being an element of life rather than a routine ritual to be performed at appropriate times and events was very clear in his response to me.

How many kids get that?

How many adults get that?

The other thing that warmed my heart later, when I really stopped to think about it, was what happened amongst the adults there. Surely, one of them said something along the lines of, "Let's have a prayer for H-- and the work that he's about to go do." But just as surely, they paused to invite my son to join them. Was he there having a conversation with them? Was he just passing by? I don't know. I do know how much I appreciate that they saw an opportunity to disciple a young boy, my son, and they took it. They invested themselves in helping me raise my son into a godly young man. I am truly, truly thankful for that effort and all the times that someone has taken other opportunities to do the same that I haven't seen. I am thankful for these people that are in our lives who make this parenting road just a little easier to walk down, the ones who take my hand and walk with us, the ones who pass out the water on the way, and the ones who actually paved the road so that it would be smooth.

I also am thankful that we evidently have lived transparently enough for those people to realize what our goal for our children is and how very important that goal is to us.

Ups and Downs

I went to the Homeschooling Conference this weekend. It was FABULOUS! I love it there. To be surrounded by so many other like minded people is just so refreshing. That's hard to come by, these days. I know my friends love me but I think most of them think we're just crazy... crazy for homeschooling, crazy for milling wheat and making our own bread, crazy for making our own laundry detergent, crazy for co-sleeping, baby-wearing, extended nursing. They love me, but I'm not sure they get me. Sometimes it's nice to be around people that not only get it, but they agree. Anyway, some of the workshops were amazing. I went to this one about dealing with your strong-willed child. Well, the first thing she starts in with is a 12 question test to determine if you (not your child) are stong-willed. Now, I know that this may come as a shock to you but it turns out that... well... I'm strong-willed. Go figure. So anyway, it explains a lot about why DS3 and I have been going to the trenches so much lately. Will work on that.

Anyway, the conference was wonderful. I'm so happy I went. The only downside was the reminder that it was supposed to be DH and I's first overnighter without kids... ever. Yep, that's right. In 8 1/2 years, we have never both been away from the kids overnight. Well it happened this weekend. The only bummer was that we didn't go away together. Big bummer. There were so many times that I thought, "Man, I wish he was here to hear that." I miss him. He's my bestest friend.

I also found out today, and I thought I'd let you all know. Those girls that I had been praying for were matched with a family. It's a little bittersweet. I thought they were meant for us. I'm so very happy that they are going home. I'm so very happy that they don't have to wait any longer. All in God's timing. He knows which children are ours and He will see to it that we get them. It's all good.

The Case of the Missing Milkshake

So there's this children's music artist. She's relatively famous now, as children's music artists go, you may have seen her on NickJr. Milkshake. Anyway, she's out of Baltimore, MD and before she got on NickJr, she was giving free concerts in the parks around here. I think DS3 was just a baby and we went to the concert. We ended up purchasing her CD and we LOVED it. We listened to it all summer. Every time we got in the truck, we heard, "open up a bottle of sunshine, mix it up with a bowl full of daydreams, pour it into a suitcase full of laughter that I found... you won't find me sittin around." Anyway, we lost it. We looked, and looked, and looked... we just couldn't find it anywhere. Many times since then, we've thought about it and wished we knew where it was.

Fast forward. I found myself getting irritated with the boys. It happens. Right? I mean, they're kids... they can be irritating. Not a big deal. Really. Except... I realized that it was happening more and more. And more often than not. That's not so good. I had this awakening. I realized that I wasn't enjoying them anymore. That really hurt me. Now, that's not to say that I thought my children were miserable and I NEVER enjoyed them. We did lots of stuff together that we all really enjoyed. Crafts, field trips, reading books, playing with play dough, even yard work. What I'm saying is, I used to enjoy them all the time. I saw the world through the eyes of my children. I experienced the wonder and excitement of everything new again. New to them. If I was cooking, I wanted them with me. Who cares about flour and eggs on the floor? If I was doing laundry, they sat on top of the washer and put in the detergent and the fabric softener. Every minute I had with them was a joy and a wonderful new experience. That had all gone away. Somehow, I thought dinner would be done faster if I did it myself. Laundry would be easier if I didn't have them sorting the socks by tossing them across the room. I don't know. I let the mundane, the duties, the stuff of life swallow me and convince me that it would be better to put my life in boxes... some where kids were allowed, some where they weren't. How did that happen? That's not me. It happened because I let it. I allowed myself to think that somehow, laundry, a clean house, and a well organized life was important enough to let it squeeze out my children. MY CHILDREN.

So I've spent a lot of time trying to get back to that other way of life. The way where I include them in everything that they want to participate in. It's hard to go back to thinking that way once you get away from it. Then the other day, DS3 (4yo) wanted to be big like his brothers. He wanted to make the bread. I enjoyed helping him. :) And I mean, I really enjoyed it. I laughed when the flour hit the floor. I beamed when he ran the blender all by himself. I held my breath when he cracked the egg. And I bit my lip to keep from laughing when he announced, "It's time for the east!" Somehow he never gets that 'y' out. And when he pressed that start button and turned to me full of pride and said, "I did it! I made bread because now I'm four years old!" I blinked back the tears long enough for him to jump down, run off to join his brothers, and leave me to clean up the kitchen while crying for joy. Why did I ever let that get away from me? I will NEVER do that again. I will NEVER allow the meaningless garbage of making it through the day take my children from me.

So you're wondering what all this has to do with the missing Milkshake CD. Later, that same day the boys and I were in the school room. We have been working on learning the books of the Bible. I couldn't find the CD with the books of the NT that we had used the last time we worked on it. And, it had been so long, that I just threw in another one. Well, DS1 and DS2, who had learned them, got really confused with the new song. SOOOOO, I started looking through ALL the cases trying to find "I'm Gonna Sing" with the correct version of the song. I knew it had to be somewhere, I just figured it had gotten put away in the wrong case. I must have looked inside a dozen cases, all the while the boys are trying to get used to the newer version. Then I opened a case from an audio book that the boys never really liked and there it was-Milkshake! I literally started squealing and jumping up and down. I couldn't even get out what it was to tell the boys. I put it in the CD player and started blasting the music. It was wonderful. I finally regained composure and the boys asked if we could take and listen to it in the truck. So we did. I have to tell you. I put that CD in the truck and despite the 60 degree weather outside, when the music came on I was smacked with the heat of July in my memories. Memories started flooding back, memories of a time when every day was an adventure to be had... we found ourselves at the park, at the zoo, playing in the sprinkler behind our house, whatever notion struck us. I literally started crying. Like I said, I'll never forget that again. I told my DH that I thought the CD was deliberately hiding from me because I didn't deserve to have those memories back. At least not until I figured things out. So now we are loving life, listening to Milkshake, and going where the wind (or the boys) blow.

I am so grateful to God that he helped me to see where we were and where we needed to get back to before I lost too much time with my kids. Don't ever take anything for granted.

Oh, and by the way, I was able to stay on task and find "I'm Gonna Sing" and we all know the books of the New Testament. It was in the case of another audio book that the boys didn't care for. That's why we hadn't found them. They didn't like those.