"What's up with your adoption, anyway?"

"Are you still thinking about doing that?"

Yes, I've been asked that a lot lately.  I know, I haven't kept anyone updated... and, well... we are just...slow.  I don't like doing it this way, but this is the way we are doing it.  I'm not sure why and I don't know how to change it.

So here's where we are:

• We are pulling together our dossier documents.  So far, so good.
• We have our immigration approval--YAY!
• Just talked to a psychologist today about doing our evaluation.  I think we are going to really enjoy working with him, despite the fact that we aren't really looking forward to a psychological evaluation (complete with personality testing).
• We are waiting for our (federal, if you know what I mean) criminal background checks to come back.
• And that's about all.

One of the ladies (who deals with the waiting kids listings) at our agency told me that she expects that we will get a referral rather quickly (after sending our completed dossier) since we are open to special needs and open to three siblings rather than just two.  While that's all well and good, I'm trying to not listen to her.  I remember when we were expecting our first DS.  The midwives came up with a date of December 20th.  The sonographer said, "He's so big, we estimate the correct date to be December 9th."  Silly me, it was my first and I believed them.  Well, the 9th came and went, the 20th came and went... Christmas came and went.  He came in his own good time, and just to make a point, he waited till the next year... January 1st.  So I'm trying to keep that in mind when it comes to this referral thing.  Just gonna keep busy getting things ready and going on with our daily stuff.

For those of you who were wondering... those girls that I had talked about in previous posts were placed with their family.  I was/am very happy for them but it took me a while to process the whole situation.  I was so sure that we were called for them.  I had a difficult time working out how that was.  I finally came up with the fact that I let my heart get ahead of me and surely ahead of what God's plan and timing are.  Go figure, who knew I could be wrong?  ;)

Anyway, that's about it for now on the adoption front.

Please Pray our Children Home

So this post is partly an update on what's going on with our adoption for those of you who have been following along and partly a post to participate in praying for those out there who are in the middle of the process as we are. I'm linking up with Linny over at A Place Called Simplicity to take part in a day of prayer. Please consider hopping over there and reading about other families who tell their stories and praying for them as well.

We are close to finishing up our homestudy. As you may remember our agency was kind enough to rearrange the order of things so that we could get DH's interviews done before he left. Well, we got all the interviews done with the exception of my alone interview and we were waiting for the rest of the stuff to get caught up to that point. We just received our clearances back (clear) so now our application will be officially accepted and I have scheduled my last interview for the 29th. Yay!

After that we will be officially approved for our country and have the complete homestudy done. Again: Yay! But there's been some other stuff brewing that I'd really like prayers for. As you may or may not know, I've had a particular sibling group of 5 be very heavy on my heart for about 1 1/2 years now. For some reason, I feel really connected to this group. My wonderful DH, however, does not. And lest you think I hold that against him, I completely see where he is coming from. If we were to adopt them, we'd have 8 kids between the ages of 4-9. He is the one responsible for paying the bills and having money to put food on the table. He is responsible for this family, no matter how large it is. Sometimes, I think it's much easier for me since I don't really think about that stuff. Anyway, we've been following them and they still have not been placed.

The short version is that we reached out to an organization that brings orphaned kids to the US to stay with host families for 5 weeks during the summer. The host family is responsible for showing them the love of a family during that time as well as introducing them to as many people as possible in hopes that something clicks and they find their forever family. We are praying that this organization will work it out that we can host these particular kids for the summer. We are fully committed to finding them their family and hopefully the experience will clarify whether or not that is us. This is the best meet-in-the-middle arrangement that we can come up with. DH gets the reassurance that he needs about providing for family while I get to help these kids that are so very heavy on my heart. However, that is not how this organization works normally. We have yet to hear back from them. Please pray with us that God works this all out for us to have these kids for the summer. We need the hearts of those in this organization as well as the SW's and counselors at the orphanage as well as approval of the government in their country to all come together on this for it to happen.

The other issue that we are having is pressure from our families. Both my mom and my DH's parents are really at odds with our decision. Please pray that they can find peace over this and not be such an obstacle for our adoption as they currently are.

Also (and I think this is common with most adoptive families), we are concerned about finances. God has provided for us every time we have been in a crunch spot so far. I am confident that He will continue to provide, but please pray for that as well. We don't have the money we need to complete this adoption... or even the next step. Please pray that the funds will be there when we need them.

Thank you all for praying for us as we go through this process. We so very much appreciate your prayers. Please consider praying for the others on Linny's blog as well.

Thank you, Linny, for doing this. Thank you for caring about the fatherless so much that it encourages and inspires all of us to fight for the little ones. Thank your for being so open and honest about your life so that we feel we can know you and be strengthened to follow our hearts.

MBM-Our Homestudy

I've been meaning to share this one for a while now; I guess time has a way of getting away from me. I remember back between Thanksgiving and Christmas, DH and I were having a discussion about gifting. There were several things that I had been wanting for a while and I had thought about asking for them for Christmas. My love does his very best to provide for all my desires, but the problem is: I have a lot of desires. And they aren't the cute, romantic, inexpensive desires either. I'd like and ipod touch or a new sofa set for the family room, amongst other things. As you may or may not know, we've being doing Fin*ncial Pe*ce University for almost two years now. We had made some really poor decisions earlier in our marriage. Really bad decisions, really bad habits, really undisciplined behaviors. We are still paying (and praying) to right those decisions. It's really quite embarassing. But I share this so that others who might be where we were two years ago will know that there's hope. There is a way.

Anyway, back to the story. I knew that there wasn't a whole lot of money for Christmas and that I'd rather spend it on the kids. We found some great stuff on craigslist for them and I was very excited. I was trying to come up with some ideas to put on my list that were much more reasonable, pricewise, than an ipod touch. I wasn't having any luck until I realized that what I really, really wanted wasn't something tangible. We'd been fooling around with that paperwork for our stinkin homestudy for 6 months or more... I just wanted it done. I just wanted to move on to the next step. I looked at my love and said, "All I want for Christmas is to get this paperwork done and sent in."

Well, it didn't happen. It was already January. I knew that he was leaving on Feb. 23 for his depl*yment. I knew that we were running out of time. I did NOT want to WAIT untill JUNE for this homestudy. Yet, I knew that he had to be here for the interviews. I brought it up with him. He was very hesitant. He looked at me and said, "We don't have the money to pay for it. I don't think we can get it done before I leave. We just don't have the money." You see, it costs $44oo to get the homestudy done. You have to pay that prior to your first interview. I love our agency, but they don't mess around. I knew that they do not make allowances in procedures or payments. They mean business. Bummer. So if we submitted paperwork and they sent the clearances off, we could run into trouble. The clearances expire after 90 days. You have to COMPLETE the homestudy in those 90 days. He was going to be gone for 84. So I said, "What about the tax return. That's enough to pay for it, right?" "Yes but they don't have all the updates done and they won't be ready for us to file until the 14th of Febuary. Then we have to wait to get paid. Then we have to pay the agency. Then we have to do all the interviews. I just don't see any way to make this happen. Call and talk about the timing situation with T** and see if it can happen with the short timing. See what she says." He was leaving on the 23rd. You do the math.

Ugh.

Arrrggggghhhh!

Bummer.

But you know that I serve a God who is bigger than the IRS, right?

I serve a God who wants to see all the orphans in loving homes.

I serve a God who hears me when I call.

So what did I do?

I prayed.

and prayed...

and prayed...

And then I called and discussed it with T** and she said that she would look into things and see if we could get it done. She told me to mail the packet and she wouldn't send off for the clearances until we knew what we could do. Typically, they want the clearances to come back before they do the interviews.

I knew there was a way. I knew it had to happen. I just knew.

So, on Feb 7th, I marched myself down the hall and booted up the family computer... the one that the taxes are on. I said a prayer while I waited for the logon to come up. I searched and found the tax software and opened it up. Do you know what it said to me? It said, "There are updates available for this program." I clicked on that link and updated it. Then I called my DH and said, "Come file these taxes!"

So, then. What happens next. We're two weeks away from his leaving. We still don't actually have the money. What to do? What to do? Well, I didn't DO anything. I went to bed praying and waited to see what was going to happen. I got up the next morning and nothing had happened. I couldn't wait anymore, I was too excited. We were too close. I didn't want to miss our shot. I called DH at work and said, "So... ummm.... what are we doin' about this homestudy." "Send the paperwork in. See what T** says. We may not have the time. I still don't know what we're gonna do about the money."

I got the boys ready in record time and we were

OUT

THE

DOOR

to the post office.

Paperwork in the mail.

Now what?

But of course!

Pray some more...

The next day I get this email from T** at our agency... you know, the one that follows the regulations, doesn't make allowances, and expects to be paid when they tell you to pay them. Here's the email:

I spoke to our social workers and provided that your schedule is flexible in the next two weeks, we will be able to expedite your process so that we can complete your home study visits before [DH] is depl*yed. We will be rearranging some of the steps to do this, so your actual approval will still be pending the return of all your clearance forms. You will also need to pay your Adoption Study fee ($4400) at this time. The fee is usually due before you can begin the home study, but in this case we will make an exception and you can just pay for it before your visits are completed. J** H**, our social worker will contact you as soon as possible to schedule your visits.

How do you like them apples?

Not only are they going to be able to squeeze us in the interview schedule but they are overlooking the fact that we haven't even sent out for the clearances yet, let alone got them back.

Get this, though:

I never asked her about the money. I never said anything about not making the payment until the taxes came back. Is that how the real world works? Nah. I fully expected to read on: "You will need to pay your adoption study fee at this time. We cannot schedule the interviews until we receive that payment." The postponed the payment due date with me ever even asking.

Only God.

only. God.

So, that's the story of how we got it all in.

Have faith and talk to your Father.

He knows all about our troubles.

Thanks for hanging in to the end. Please keep my DH safety in your prayers as well as patience for me. I have a difficult time without him. Also, there is something MAJOR going on with our adoption plans right now. Please, please pray that God softens the hearts of those who are about to make decisions in a particular organization, and the C*l*mbian government. Please pray that those decisions are what we have asked for. Please pray that this works out the way we hope.

Has it really been that long?

So, I'm kinda embarrassed to admit but I've had a lot of people in my life outside of bloggyland ask, "What's up with the adoption? I went to your blog, but there's nothing new there. Has anything happened lately?" And the answer would be... no. I'm ashamed to say that we are still in a sea of paperwork. I'd love to be moving faster. I'd love to have my kids by now. I could point to a lot of reasons why we aren't further along. There's some personality issues going on here... there's some differences in priorities here... whatever. The truth is they would all be excuses. We are just not getting through our paperwork nearly as quickly as I would like to be. That's it.

I'm hoping we can get our homestudy done before DH's next jaunt to the sandbox... I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever make it. We are almost done with the first volume of paperwork, what we need for the homestudy. I think a lot of it stems from the fact that he's not as "into it" as what I am. I have an amazing and supportive husband. Adoption is something we've always talked about and knew we were going to do... someday. I just got to someday faster. And while he's on board, I think he has some hesitations. He's not sure that NOW is the someday. So I think I've kinda been dragging my feet waiting for him to catch up to me. I want him to want this as badly as I do. Let me clarify: he wants to adopt, he wants more kiddos. It's just that I'm chomping at the bit ready to go and he's just... not. He's ready but he could also wait a little longer, too. So maybe that's it.

I also think a lot of it is this business about those girls, the siblings that I've mentioned in the past. They have been weighing very heavy on my heart, very heavy. I don't know, really, what to make of it all. When I very first saw them pop up on the list of waiting children (no pictures, mind you, just info), I immediately felt drawn to them. I'm not sure why. Could it be that the oldest two share birthdays with my oldest two (one is two weeks off, one is the exact. same. day.)? Could it be that I feel for large sibling groups as I know they are more difficult to place? Could it be that I've wanted a little girl for so very long that five seems like a great idea? I don't know. But there you have it, they broke my heart. It totally engulfed me and that's how the maybe-someday-is-now conversation got opened up. Then, reality set in. We could not take five. That would make eight kids, a family of ten. TEN! We'd need a bigger car, we couldn't even all fit in the one we have. And we have a Suburban, for cryin out loud! How would we pay for an occasional dinner out as a family? How do you do vacations? Tickets to movies? Miniature golf? So there you have it: despite the incomparable pull on my heart, I rationalized that God put them there as a catalyst to get us moving on our adoption. Just. a. catalyst. right? OK, so then we decide to go ahead and get started, we research agencies, talk to folks and decide on a local agency that has an extensive list of waiting kids because that's what we're interested in. Not perfect kids, kids who need homes now. Kids who have been waiting. And what to my wondering eyes would appear... we had unknowingly chosen the very agency that has those girls on their list. Well, then, what do you do with that? So I began praying... praying for guidance, praying for a sign, praying for an answer, praying for them to find a family. I prayed that God would help their family find them and then I would know that we weren't that family. And in June, they showed up as matched on our agency's website and disappeared shortly thereafter.

Probably well enough anyway, as our agency has fairly strict guidelines about birth order and no artificial twinning and such. I consoled myself with the fact that it must be God's will and that our agency probably wouldn't have let us have them anyway. It was very bittersweet. I was sad that they weren't ours but happy that they had found a family. Except they hadn't. They then showed up on another agency's list. They weren't matched, their file just got moved. So I continued to pray. I prayed that if they weren't meant to be ours, that they would find their family soon. I flat out told God, if these kids are ours, YOU have to tell my husband. So that's what I've been praying for quite some time. I have vowed not to bring them up because if he brings it up, then I'll know it's from God. [If you're wondering, he does not read my blog so the secret is safe here. :) ] So that's what I've been praying since July when they popped back up. Limbo stinks. They have not been adopted, DH hasn't brought them up. However, there have been a lot of little things coming together that confirm to me that they are ours. If you would add this to your own prayer list, I would truly appreciate it. God hears the prayers of his people.


Anyway, I picked up this CD by Troy Allen Albers called Above the Rain while we were at family camp in October and there's this great song on it. It's called "Secret Admirer." I'd like to share the lyrics with you. It's been stuck in my head for quite some time.

The sun is shining brightly and that's why they've come to play.

To take advantage of the park on a warm and sunny day.

And among the slides and the swings and the sand and the things the wind blows through her hair,

And she looks at him and smiles and thinks she's kinda glad he's there.

And her secret admirer is watching her again

As she's dancing with her children, they get dizzy as they spin.

He's watching her and wondering, "How could anyone give so much?"

He marvels at her strength and the gentleness of her touch.

And her children's laughter sings to him as they happily share her life.

And he falls head-over-heels in love, again, as he watches his sweet wife.

"Daddy, Daddy, come and we'll build castles in the sand."

She never thought she'd see the day he'd completely understand

That among the slides and the swings and the sand and the things you'll find true happiness.

And the joy that a happy family brings is something no one should miss.

And his secret admirer is watching him again

As he twirls around his children, they get dizzy as they spin.

She's watching him and wondering, "How could anyone give so much?"

She marvels at his strength, and the gentleness of his touch.

And their children's laughter sings to her as they happily live their lives.

And his secret admirer, is so glad to be his wife.

You see, when I first heard the song, it immediately spoke to my relationship with my DH. I love him so much. Like they always say, "If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't change a thing." I am his secret admirer. Even 10 years later, I'm still head over heels in love with him. I marvel at what a wonderful husband and father he is and how much he gives our family. I was a little bummed about the line, "she never thought she'd see the day he'd completely understand" about a happy family. I was bummed because that's not my husband. He's always been a family man and that has always been a priority for him.

But you know how sometimes you get a song stuck in your head and it's not even the whole song? It's just the same snippet over and over again? I had that going on today. It was that part about building castles in the sand and she never thought she'd see the day he'd understand about happiness. To be honest, I had reconciled a while ago that the lyrics are what they are b/c the songwriter wanted them that way. He didn't know us and he didn't write the song for us. So it was just playing over and over in my head. Also, I had been over to Linny's blog and seen that I had missed a day of prayer yesterday and wanted to post on the prayer list about my above heart thoughts. I was mulling over just what and how much to say. So I've got all that going on in my brain while this short part of the song is swirling. It was very difficult to think, I felt like Winnie the Pooh. I must have been dense to the message because the repeat of the song shrunk down to "the joy that a happy family brings is something no one should miss." Over and over again it played in my head until I stopped to listen to it. Then it hit me. The lyrics are the way they're supposed to be. Those girls are missing the joy that a happy family brings... they are missing it and right now, he has yet to "completely understand."

You Can't Fool Me...

I know what's really going on here.

So as some of you know, we've had a run of bad luck here. From the time that DH left to go overseas, we have had more than our share of injuries and sickness with the children:

Four staples in the head.

Chipped front tooth.

Injured ankle-first thought was a sprain, then x-rays, then ended up at the pediatric orthopaedist, then walked out before even seeing the doctor.

Now in the midst of my mom's total knee replacement (she live with us), they all have a bad bacterial infection. VERY. BAD. Not to mention that it took over three full days for the pediatrician's office to get back to us that it is, in fact, bacterial and they are calling in an antibiotic for DS1. That's three full days of temps running above 102 degrees (four if you count the day prior to seeing the doctor). Well the other two are sick now too and they can't see them till tomorrow or Monday so they have to wait on antibiotic. Ugh.

So between going to urgent care, radiology, and different doctors offices, we've had nary a dull moment without an appointment to be at. It's more trips to the Dr. than we went to in all the previous three years together.

"What's this all about?" you ask.

I think it's about fighting God's war. I've heard other people talk about this but never experienced it myself. That's probably because prior to the past few years of my life, I haven't really been a soldier in God's army. I believed. I was baptized. But it's only relatively recently that I've stepped up to to the plate, really started following God's word and living God's will. I've started getting more involved in the children's program at church. DH and I have taken charge of our finances, after all, how can we have the means to do the Lord's work if we have debt? We also stepped up to be group leaders at our church. Now this whole adoption calling. Not that I think we are doing anything extraordinary, but we are doing the best we can to get to where we believe God wants us to be.

It seems that once you make a big decision to follow God, that the enemy starts to take you seriously, and if at all possible, discourage you. That's what's going on here. Sat*n knows DH is gone. He knows that we are planning this adoption of several kids. He knows that the thought of half a dozen kids can be daunting. He has decided to play on that seed of doubt. He's trying to make me doubt whether I can handle that many kids, whether this is all a mistake. For a little while, it seemed like it was starting to work. But now, at the end of the ninth week, I feel empowered. Nine weeks of one pain in the bazooka after another. Sure it could have been worse, there's a lot more that could have happened. But I feel really good about being able to deal with what was dished out. So there you have it. Strengthened. Refined by fire. I'm sure there's more fire, more refining necessary. But still, I'm in a good place for 63 days without my husband.

Oh, and I found out, those girls weren't actually matched with a family. Their file was sent to another adoption agency. This time they're listed as one sibling group, not two. What do I make of that? I don't know, I'll get back to you. But I will add them back on my prayer list.

The Great FB announcment

So we announced our plans on FB yesterday. The response was overwhelmingly positive. For that I am very grateful because a good many of the people we had already told had given us the responses listed in a previous post. I would like to respond to everyone individually but I'm afraid I would have to cut out too many details in the interest of time.

We are planning an international adoption. We feel really drawn to Colombia but found out our agency also has pilot programs in Costa Rica and Ecuador so we'll have to see where the God leads us. One of the reasons we narrowed it down to this area of the world is that I had 5 years of Spanish between high school and college. I'm sure I can drudge it back to the front of my memory with less effort than learning a whole new language, say Russian or Chinese. Also, we really like the way those countries focus on the children during the process rather than the adoptive parents. WE go to THEM. We stay with them in their county, on their turf, until they are attached to us. Only then do we get the all clear to bring them home. It seems a so much more loving way to disrupt their lives than some of the other methods used. I cannot imagine a better bonding experience than taking all of us out of our realm, our daily routines, and focusing on nothing more than getting to know each other and becoming a family. I also think that it would be good for the boys to experience how people in the rest of the world live.

We also feel drawn to a sibling group... yes, we will then become one of THOSE families... the ones with the suburban that functions as a clown car. You park, open the doors, and the kids just pour out! Hah! In all honesty, I'm really excited about filling my house with kids. For those of you who've seen my house, it will take a LOT of kids. :) Anyway, we don't know a lot of the details. We are trying to leave our thoughts and plans as open as possible in order to make sure that we get the children that God has planned for us. As daunting as it seems at this point to do all that paperwork and forms and homestudy (yikes!)... I draw comfort in knowing that God is in control, that He knows when we will bring them home and what their names will be. He knows where they are, what they've been through, and He watches over them while they wait for us.

So thank you for all who have been so supportive and are offering up prayers on our behalf. This is going to be a long process and I'm afraid that most of it will be spent waiting. I hope you continue to check in on us periodically. I hope you don't get bored.

As I mentioned yesterday, DS2 was semi-alarmed when he realized we were actually doing this. So today he asks, "Are we going anywhere today?" I said, "Yes, we have to take DS1 to guitar class." When he fired off another question, I realized I may not be making myself clear on this whole process. It's funny how kids brains work. His question, "After that are we going to go pick up our new kids?" Oh, if it only were that easy.

Off it goes!

So we filled out the registration and mailed it into our agency today. Woohoo! It's the first official step. We will be working with a local agency. That's the first reason we chose them. The second is that they have an extensive list of kids that are waiting for homes. We aren't looking for the 'perfect child' or the 'ideal referral.' Some of these kids have been waiting a long time and they shouldn't have to wait any longer. Some are sibling groups, some have minor special needs, some not so minor. We will see where the Lord leads us. There's a long road between now and then. We have a lot of paperwork to do. The hope is that we get the first round of stuff sent out (requesting birth certificates, child abuse clearances, etc) before DH leaves so that the waiting for that to come back happens at the same time that he is away. Then, if all goes well, we'll be able to jump into the homestudy when he returns.

We've been talking about the adoption with the boys for so long now. Sometimes you just assume that they know what's going on. When I was writing the check for the registration fee, I was telling them who it was for and why. DS2 looked at me and said, "You mean we're really going to adopt? Really? More kids?" I guess we've been talking so long, they thought it was just talk. :)

Anyway, we are sooooo exicted. Please pray for us and this process. We know that it's going to be a long road. It will be exciting as details unfold but we are not so naive that we think it will go along without any hitches. We have faith that God will take care of us and help us. We will be praying without ceasing on this matter and we ask that ya'll take the time to pray for us as well. Thank you so much!

Why would you do THAT?!?!

So let's just get it out there. "Why would you do that? I mean, you have three beautiful, healthy children. Why can't you just be satisfied with what God has given you? And what about the boys... that's not very fair to them, is it?" Yes, we have heard this (and it's many variations) a lot when it comes to announcing our adoption plans. And it's not coming from just aquaintances. It's coming from friends, family, and people that I thought knew us and "get" us.

I'm sure that they all mean well. And I'm not sure that it's exactly fair to hold them to something that fell out of their mouths on a knee-jerk reaction to our announcement that we are planning an adoption. The truth is, I am so happy to share my thoughts with anyone when it comes to something that I'm passionate about. Whether it's raising kids that love the Lord, milling your own wheat into flour, cloth diapering, homeschooling or adoption-- I will tell you everything you want to know and then some things you probably don't. I just have a really difficult time answering those questions. When people put it like that, it makes me think that they've already made up their minds that they don't think we should or that they don't really want to hear the answer.

So here it goes, this is our story:
My second son was born in Sept '03. That Christmas, he was just a teeny-tiny peanut... well he was born at 9lbs 7ozs so how little could he be? All I know is that he was a lot smaller than he is now. Anyway, we were chilling watching TV one night and this program came on. "A Home for the Holidays" It's put on by the D*ve Thomas Foundation (you know, the founder of Wendy's). They are trying to raise awareness for the kids in Foster Care who are looking for homes and families to love them. It ripped my heart right out. I realize that I was an all-hormonal nursing mother holding a precious little baby, but I'm telling you, those stories were with me for a LONG time. That was the first seed that God put in my heart.

My DH and I talked about it off and on for the next couple of years. We always knew it was something that we wanted to do, but never was it time. Then we found out we were expecting baby number 3 at the same time we were building our house (right where the old one used to be). Yep, we moved out, knocked it down, built a new one and moved back in (while very pregnant and then with a newborn). Anyway, the original plan was to move in, get settled, and then start the process. At least, that was our plan. God gave us our third son. So we decided to wait until he was a little older.

So fast forward to Sept/Oct 2009. All of a sudden, all signs started pointing towards adopting. People I knew were talking about other people who were adopting. Adoption started showing up in online discussion groups as well as some mom's/homeschooling groups I'm in. We finally got the picture (well at least I did) when a guest speaker for the adult class talked about orphans on the same Sunday morning as the gentleman leading communion told a story about a little girl he saw being adopted in Russia. It all came out of nowhere and it seemed like I couldn't go a day without someone using some form of the word 'adopt'. Anyway, I started praying, I mean REALLY praying. I poured my heart and soul out to God. I begged to know if it truly was meant for us or if I was reading too much into it. Then we went to Bible Study the following Sunday morning. During the prayer, the speaker was listing off all the blessings God has given us... somewhere in the middle there was a pause and as he spoke the next word, the mic suddenly got a whole lot louder. What was the word you ask? Adoption. Now, I realize that he was referring to God adopting us as his sons and daughters but the change in volume alone was enough to make me jump out of my seat, let alone the fact that it happened on that Sunday, and that word. I've not questioned our choice since.

I could give you a million different reasons why we've chosen to adopt. What it comes down to, though, is that we believe that God wants us to. We believe that we have been blessed with this big house for a reason. We share it every chance we get. We have a Chevy Suburban... it seats 9. We have lots of room. We have always had plenty of food... plenty of love to go around. God gave us three beautiful, healthy children. Who are we to think that they are the only children he intended us to have? He has millions (443 million at last estimate) of children spread throughout this world that are cold, starving, living in the streets, sick, dying, hurting. They want nothing but someone to love them. They are innocent little children. They deserve nothing but the best, but what they get is worse than nothing. Who am I to think that God doesn't expect me to help them? He gave me three beautiful, healthy children of my own... why would I not take care of His children?